ARGH!!

Why?? Why does it have to be so hard?? And why do I let people walk all over me?? I'm so frustrated with Colin right now. He won't open his mouth and get the things he needs from his parents and all he wants to do is mope about. He gets a new job in addition to his job working for his dad and it's not going they way he wants it to go. While I understand his frustration for being called off from work yesterday, I appreciated him being here with me yesterday after my procedure. I wasn't sure how I was going to take Jack out without getting hurt or hurting. And then, to top it off, he gets upset with me. Seriously?? We need to have a serious coming to Jesus talk. I don't know how much more of the moping and piss ant attitude I can take. I love him and appreciate the things that he does for me, but there are times that I feel completely taken advantage of by him. I'm going to enjoy my evening without him tonight. Just me and Jack and all the kitties. Hugs to you all!

Holy Cow its been a while

Wow!! Where do I start?! I flew up to Rhode Island and spent the day with my friend Nancy and Nannette. Got to see some of the sites of Rhode Island and then went and got my old friend Jack back from the ex. It was a long weekend, but worth it. Jack is now with me and living life to the fullest. Although, I don't know if sleeping under a blanket would be considered living life to the fullest for him! LOL!! At least he is not in a crate all day long and getting more exercise. I am very happy to have him with me considering I never thought I would see him again. Ever!

OK, so my other accomplishment is having found someone. I thought for a long time I was tainted goods and no one would want to be with me. But I have found someone who treats me right and enjoys a lot of the same things I do. I get a lot of questions about when I am getting married. I keep telling them I don't know. It's only been 7 months. Is that enough time to get to know someone? I want to get married again and I want to have a family, but I don't want to seem pushy or needy. I am not needy, but I am so bored after work. I want to have something to do. I don't know if going back to school is the right answer because I feel bad that Jack is in the kitchen all day while I am at work. I feel bad for him already.

Ugh. I'm just babbling. Lots on the mind tonight. Hugs to all.

New Adventure...Old Friend coming home

I'm am very excited!! It's been a interesting couple of weeks, but I have an old friend coming home this weekend. My dog Jack is coming home. I am adding to my new adventures of being on my own. Having Jack back is going to be a good thing for me and him. First of all, he needs a lot of love and attention, and I am willing and able to give that to him. Second, he is going to get me out of the house and it will give me opportunities to take more pictures. There are lots of dog parks around. Lots of new dog friends to be made!! And that's my new adventure as well. Jack is going to provide for me another outlet. I'm looking forward to my little buddy coming home. The cats may not be so happy about it, but it's going to be good for me and Jack!!

"Nah, it's no good...didn't look good"

So, how is a person supposed to get to know someone if they don't want to communicate? And how are you supposed to peel back the layers if you don't ask questions? And why is it that he wants an apology from me for trying to attempt to do just that??

Just go, and brood about how stubborn and hardheaded you are being and lose my number while you are at it.

Why is it that a girl can't have a friend who has a mutual friend of his check him out for me? I had to make sure that I was not getting involved with a "dirty bird." But apparently, this mutual friend didn't warn me about the hardheaded and stubborness of this guy and now I am the one taking the blame for him being "spitting fire pissed."

So long...farewell.

NEXT...

Interesting, interesting

It's very interesting the things you find on the Internet these days. Clothes, electronics....the possibility of a new person in your life. I hope that I am not jinxing myself by writing this now. There are definitely feelings there between the 2 of us. But he wants to take things slow. I am ok with it to a degree. But I think my degree of dissatisfaction comes from the lack of companionship, friendship, someone to come home to or be waiting for someone. While I do enjoy being on my own, I miss the companionship that comes from friendship/someone living with you. Yes, I know I complained about the roommates, however, its not quite the same. The roommates were women and they just didn't quite give the companionship I was looking for. And no, I am not talking about sex. That will come with time, its just nice having someone to talk to and learn about and just being with someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Doesn't judge you and actually wants to be with you. I learning the real, true art of patience. We have spent time together. And he's even teaching me ballroom dancing. He loves it! Its a big part of his life seeing as how it changed his life drastically. I have done my research on him. There is one thing that I am disappointed about, but I am learning to deal with it because apparently, more people partake of this thing than I realize. Me, I've never touched it, don't particularly want it around me. But the way I look at it, I can go with it, but hopefully, maybe keep him from doing it if I can keep him occupied. Again, not talking about sex, but maybe with the ballroom dancing or just going out in general. But if it gets too bad, then I can walk away.

But you know, it may be hard when my cats have even judged his character and like him a lot. I was in complete amazement when they both came over to him and let him pet them both! I couldn't believe it! Callie even sat in his lap! I'm not complaining. I think its awesome.

My emotions are a wreck right now. It just feels awesome to know that I am being thought about by someone again. Someone who the thoughts are reciprocated. I am enjoying the dancing lessons. I've only had 2, but he says that I am doing pretty good. I just have to learn to give him control and let him lead. I am just so used to leading...lol! Even in my previous relationship. It was just force of habit.

Pray for patience for me. I really like this guy for him. Not about any of the other things. He's a great guy and I just hope that it goes further the way I/we would both like it to. I just need to keep my patience. I don't want to force anything or be aggressive. I have a bad habit of doing that. Patience, patience, patience.

I am good!!

We are going to pick up the dogs this weekend in North Carolina and then I will drop her off next Monday at her house. So I will only have had one guest for approximately 3 weeks!!

Update!!

Good news: They found a house!! Bad news: won't be able to move in until mid-September. I am hoping I can keep my sanity until then.

In the mean time, I have been having fun with my camera. I was able to get the zoom lense for my camera this past weekend and now I am really having some fun!!

Hugs to you all!!

OK, so its not as bad as I thought

She won't be staying very long. She realized that we both have strong heads and apparently they are going to have enough money for both of them to move down here within the next 2 weeks. This is going to get real interesting, real quick. Mark should be here by the beginning of September and she will only be in my house for approximately 2 weeks. This seems to be a blessing in disguise, but I am still waiting for them to realize it possibly may not work. Keeping a positive attitude though so that it works out for them AND me and we can all be happy campers.

So, let's see....

Things are good and mildly annoying at the moment. I have gotten my camera and have taken lots of pictures. I need to start posting some here. I am really enjoying what I see through the lense. I just need to get a bigger zoom lense now. I realized this past week and last night that it would be so much easier to get close up shots of the players (went to a baseball game the other night and the Bucs practice session last night). But I can wait a bit longer for it. I've got some housesitting jobs lined up so I should have it in no time.

Now to the mildly annoying. While I love my brother and sister in law, I more often than not question their motives and the things that they do. They decided to put their house on the market so that they can move to Florida. They HAD a buyer for their house, but he backed out. So even though that is not a done deal with getting the house sold, they are still moving forward and moving down here without having thought everything through. While I think it is awesome that Beth was able to find a job down here, Mark has not, and will continue to live in NC until such time as something comes along or the house sells. Whichever comes first. However, here is the kicker. I will be having a roommate AGAIN soon. Her name is Beth, a family member, my sister in law. I honestly don't know her very well and she considers herself my "sister" because she doesn't talk to her own sister. She says that she is going to come into my home and start rearranging things and I honestly don't appreciate it. I am hoping that this will not be another situation like the last one. I am so irritated that they just assumed that she could come live with me. Did they not take into consideration that I just had someone living with me? Did they not take into consideration that I have a life and intend to live it? I have honestly come accustomed to living on my own. I love it! And when someone tells me that they are coming into to change it, I tend to get a little upset by that. ARGH!!!

So, I am going to take this opportunity to just relax and get to know her, but at the same time, enjoy my life around her. I have to. I can't just sit back and let what I have going on in my life get trampled on. I am truly finding my backbone in all of this. I learned my lesson the first time with the other roommate. I am not going to let this one walk all over me. Not going to happen.

More rantings from me will probably be forthcoming, but I had to get this off my chest. I am feeling a bit better now. Pray for me and my sanity. I am going to need it!! Love to you all!

In Search of...

So, I am in search of some new, old friends. My so-called friends are not what I want anymore. I don't want to associate with them anymore. They are rude and obnoxious and I am done with all of that. I realized that if I want to find somebody decent, that I had to learn that I am judged by whom I hang out with. The things that have gone on the last few weeks with them was not the best for me. I am branching out on my own and will be finding some new hobbies to keep occupied. I am thinking of taking a class or two in the fall and taking up photography. I have done a lot of thinking about this over the long weekend. I feel this is the best decision for me to find me. I need to define me and what I like to do.

Guys that I have been talking to ask me what I like to do, and I realized that I didn't have a true answer. I have always been interested in photography and I feel that this is the best way to get started. I know what I like to do, but doing it, and being involved in it, are 2 different things. I am taking the charge and moving forward with finding out exactly what I like to do. By taking up photography, I feel that I can find out 2 things. 1) liking photography and 2) traveling. I was talking to my mom about it tonight and she thinks its a good idea. We were talking about different places to go and see, and the furthest away would be Bok Tower in Lake Wales. I am really looking forward to going there and enjoying the grounds there. Another place I want to go is The Ringling Museum in Sarasota. It has been a long time since I have been there. I will certainly start off close to home, but those are long term goals to achieve and very doable.

So, I am in search of something new to do. Something fun to see. And hope that you won't mind a few new pictures every now and then.

On-line dating....

Is it a joke? I am beginning to think that it truly is. It's getting down right frustrating that guys seem to be after one thing and one thing only. That's not what I am looking for and they don't seem to get it. I've been told that you have to kiss a few frogs and/or go through 100 a-holes in order to find Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now....and what's really sad is that I have gone through about 40 guys....40!!! That is an awful number of frogs/a-holes. I am hoping to find Mr. Right when the time is right. I want someone to love me for me and not try to change who I am. They must accept me for who I am and what I do in life.

Everything else is good! Just needed to get that off of my chest.

1 year ago today

I became a free woman. It was a year ago today that I walked into the Chattham County courthouse a married woman and walked out a single woman. Thinking about that statement makes me wonder about a lot of things in life. I honestly feel that it too easy to get divorced in this country. But sometimes, it is for the better. And in my case, it has been for the better.

I worked on a gift today for my mom that involved some letters from my grandfather to my grandmother. I realized how much he really loved her. I know in my heart that I will one day find that same love. There were times I found myself smiling and other times in near tears because you can read the pain in his heart when he was away from his family when in the process of moving to Florida.

One year ago, I followed through on a decision that I am so glad I didn't go back on. Thank to my friends and family for your support. It means more than you will ever know!

Attempting to wash it all away!

Many decisions are having to be made because of occurrences out of my control. But in doing so, I get rid of him quicker out of my life. And that is possibly within the next 3 months. That would be absolutely fabulous. There is still a little part of me that feels as though I am cheating on him, even though we aren't together and he has moved on. I think that if I break this tie from him now, then I will be able to move on even more with my life. And maybe I won't have the feeling as if I am cheating on him. I know it sounds crazy. But when I got married, I got married for life. It is very hard to turn that feeling off after a year. I know....I know....I am crazy, but this is life. This was never supposed to happen to me. I never wanted this to happen to me. It happened to my parents...it wasn't supposed to happen to me. So, I believe that the decision I am making, will only further my mind in making me feel as though I am NOT cheating. I feel as though this decision will help me because I will not have to deal with him ever again.

I have also taken a big step as of late, and have not worn much of the jewelry that he had given me over the years. At times I miss wearing it, but one piece in particular could be construed by potential suitors as if I am engaged. And that could be further from the truth. So, I only wear 2 pieces that he gave me. One, 1 of 2 watches and two, a pair of diamond studs that I don't take out at night. I feel that those pieces are ok because they aren't flashy.

On an even better note, I am soon to be rid of my roommate. They have a verbal offer to sell their home in Rhode Island. They are just waiting for the signed contract so that they can begin to make the final arrangements of moving down here. Long story short, they will be getting an apartment while looking for a house down here. Which will then free me up. At times, I have felt as though I am a maid/chef in my own home. She never lifted so much of a finger around here. Occassionally emptying the dishwasher, but that was about it. Cooked 4 times, in the 3 months (will be 4 when she moves out) that she was here and basically demanded dinner. Never once offering to help or do much about starting dinner. So, needless to say, I am really disenchanted with having a roommate ever again. I think a future mate/spouse will be different because I will be able to learn about the person before hand. I have learned my lesson all to well with this roommate thing. Never again will it be sight unseen. EVER!!!!

Update to the updates

Apparently, my email to the ex was "threatening" and he didn't like it too kindly!! He called me last night at 10:20 to tell me that he was very unhappy with my email and the situation that my attorneys have put him in by dragging their feet. And obviously, he doesn't understand the seriousness of the account being overdrawn and the fact that I could lose my job because of it and/or get reprimanded. At least I got his attention. And he finally called me to tell me what was going on. Sorry that you were stupid enough to take a job that you don't get paid unless you sell something, but you told me that this would not effect me or effect you being able to meet your obligation to pay your half of this bill. DUMB ASS!!! Stop making it my problem. Stop being a butt head!!

Updates and misc

Update 1: first PT in the morning....ready to feel better with my back.
Update 2: roomie still driving me crazy...is now sick, thanks to her granddaughter
Update 3: the ex is in violation of our divorce decree and I do not know what to do to fix it, he has not followed through with paying something and is putting my job in jeopardy, knows it, and doesn't seem to care what happens....can't stand this drama!! I just want him to go AWAY!!!

MRI and Misc

Had the MRI done today. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Did have to go all the way in the tube though and it was fairly close to my face. I wasn't too keen on that, but I survived. They had a selection of CD's and I picked one and listened to Sting. It was very difficult to lay still for 25+ minutes. I don't know exactly what time I sat down on the table, but I left just before 9am and my appointment was at 8am. I will get the results on Friday from the Dr.

Miscellaneous stuff is just that I am tired of the roommate. She can't be bothered to do anything around here. Don't even get me started on this past Saturday. I can't figure out a way to actually kick her out. It seems as though I have no life anymore. I can't have people over because she gives them dirty looks, i.e., my mom.

Other news is that what's-his-name is a moron and probably going to try and figure out some way to blame me for all of his problems that he has right now, financially anyway. Order was signed, sent to QDRO people and now there is a hold on everything. He wants his money and he can't have it and I am sure that has royally angered him that he has to wait again. Oh well. Your the one who wanted the divorce pal.

He tried, and doesn't know yet, that he failed

So, I have just about had it with my attorny in Georgia. They take their time to do everything. If it wasn't close to being finished, I would have fired them long ago. The reason I say this is because they didn't follow through completely with this whole QDRO properly and almost cost me alot of money. Because they didn't do what they were supposed to do, the 90-day wait period was lifted and WHN (what's-his-name) could have liquidated everything and walked away with giving me nothing. However, he called to tell me this and then told me he would not "screw" me out of my portion that is due to me. RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT!! I am due half of the value of the 401K with the loan that was taken out added back in. For example, a loan was taken out against his 401K because I had lost my job and we needed the money. The amount borrowed was approximately half the value of the 401K, taken out in Oct. 2008, which funded his trip out of the Country, which was the beginning of the end of my marriage. Anyway, the amount of the loan is added back into this portion that is there, and I am due half of the total amount. His brilliant idea was to liquidate and give me what is due to me, which HE calculated to be approximately $6K. WRONG!! I am due alot more than that, and if I had lost the total amount because of these damn attorney's in GA, I would have been screaming bloody murder!

So, he doesn't know it yet, because I'm not calling him or telling him this, but there has been another 90-day waiting period placed on the 401K and I will now be getting what is owed to me. This has been a long time coming, but I am so thankful to Kathie Jo for helping me with keeping the ball rolling as I have. The Order was signed by the judge on March 1 and the QDRO people have it and have placed a stop on anything that can be done to the 401K. Who's gonna have the last laugh now?!?!

Anyway, I am glad to have one more step under my feet for getting him out of my life. We still have a bill to pay together, but there should be no reason to speak unless there is a huge issue with this bill. Only another 2 years, 9 months left to pay on the bill. Pray that I can keep my sanity if I need to deal with him anymore.

He's not going to be happy about the above. He's planning to liquidate and when he does that, he has to pay the loan back out of HIS portion. He was trying to get me to pay a portion of the loan back if he had liquidated the entire amount. I've already paid my portion by liquidating my own 401K and taking the penalties on it. I am not going to do it again. I refuse and he was going to screw me on making me pay anyway. So, 2 years and 9 months can't come soon enough in my opinion. Not that I am counting the days or anything! LOL!

Hope everyone is doing well. Dr's for me tomorrow. Will post something when I know what is going on. Love to you!

Visiting with the Dr

OK, so my back has been hurting me for years...but was told, many years ago, to lose weight. Well, I have done that (to the tune of 60 pounds!) and the pain is still the same and isn't getting any better. Went to the primary care physician and he is sending me to an orthopedic surgeon. I see this guy on Friday. X-rays have been taken of my back and they see nothing wrong with my back bone wise, so this is something a little more in there. It has to be. At times I feel something bulging. And its constantly. Sometimes the pain is bearable, and other times, I am near tears. Will let you know the outcome and whether or not he gives me something.

All is well

Things have gotten better with the roomie, if you will. We had a discussion last week and she has decided to finally start paying rent, except it will be in arrears, but at least she is paying. She spoke to her husband and decided to pay half the rent and half the power bill (water is included in the rent). So things are better, but please, please pray that they sell their house very soon. She is driving me absolutely nuts. At least I don't feel completely used.

Everything else is going well. The job is great. Love it still. Days I need to just walk away from my desk, but overall, it is a great job.

But that's it. No new boys on the horizon. Talking a few, but nothing has panned out just yet. Seems to be that they are only after one thing and its just wrong to be after just that ONE thing.

Updates

So the roommate situation is not what I was expecting...I have such a nice big mouth. I invite this lady to stay with me because she needed a place to stay when she moved from RI to FL. I THOUGHT things would be fine and she would help out with things, monetarily and around the house, cooking/cleaning. Yeah, not so much. I have cooked and cleaned while she sits on my couch doing puzzles. She is spoiled at home and therefore hasn't bothered to lift a finger around here. Kinda frustrating. Keep those fingers crossed that they get a contract on their house. There is a potential buyer and it looks very, very promising. Please, please, please, keep those fingers crossed so I don't have to become a bad guy. I hate being in the position that I am in. Its frustrating. I know I put myself there, but I take people at face value and hope that they have the same morals that I do. That is not the case here.

On a more happy note (happy for me anyway), Karma seems to be showing itself upon what's his name. Had some things happen to him over the weekend and with him not having a job, not sure how he's going to be able to do it all now. HA!! I am just sitting back. It may sound mean and rude, but I am just waiting. Its nice that things are going my way for once.