I'm working on me

Well, forever doesn’t seem to be in the future for me as far as marriage is concerned. David and I are going to part ways from one another as husband and wife. We were friends first before we got married and we will remain friends throughout the rest of our lives. It is going to be strange not having him with me through life’s challenges and ups and downs. I know that I can call him whenever I need to talk to him or vice versa. On my way home, I was listening to my iPod and the song by Sting “Set them Free” came on. “If you Love somebody, if you love someone, if you love someone, Set them Free.” And that is what I am doing. I don’t want to force him to stay married to me if he isn’t happy and just wants to be alone. I think that within the last 18 months, we have just grown apart and I don’t know how to explain it.

Things will be different in our lives, but we will always be there for each other even if it’s not in the physical sense. There are things in life that he wants for himself personally, and I don’t want to hold him back from that. He is not seeing someone else. He would tell me if he was. He just wants to be alone. He wants to be able to have his space and he wants to not have to answer to anybody but himself. All I want is for him to be happy. And if that means that we part ways as husband and wife, and remain friends, then that is what happens. Is it going to be different? Yes. Do I have to like it? No, but I will learn to live with it.

So now, I am working on me. I am going to get back on my feet and I am going to stand up straight and move forward with my life as well. My first priorities are going to be finding a job and finding a place to live. But first I have to pack my life up here in Savannah and move back to Florida. Lots of things have to be worked out and settled and it’s not going to be easy. I wouldn’t expect it to be. But with the family and friend support that I have, I know that I will move forward with my life and live it to the best of my ability.

Divine Intervention is needed

I am having a hard time grasping how my life has turned completely upside down within the last 48 hours. I have tried every which way that I can to keep things from falling apart as they have, but that seems to be to no avail. I have a very strong faith and belief in God and I need His support more than ever right now for the thoughts and concerns that I have. I don't understand what has happened between David and I. I don't know how to fix it and I don't know if he wants to fix it. But I do know that I have to fix me and I have to get help for me. Right now, I am working on me and maybe life will make more sense in a few days. I gave up a lot to be with my husband in Savannah. But I did it because I love him and want to be with him. I love him so much that it hurts. I didn't know if I would ever find someone to begin with. We met on a blind date and we were inseparable. We moved in together after only knowing each other for 5 months. He proposed to me February 14, 2001 and we were married June 15, 2002. We've been together for almost 10 years. That is a long time to be with someone. Never in my life did I think that I would find someone, marry him and be completely head over heels for him. He still gives me butterflys when he walks in the door. I love him with all of my heart and soul and made him the center of my universe. Maybe that was wrong, but I thought that was what is supposed to happen in a marriage and in life. Then if you have kids, they become your world. Together!! God has decided for some reason that he doesn't want for us to have kids or that maybe we aren't ready. But I don't think that I should be blamed for that. We went to the doctor and we know that there is nothing wrong with either one of us. I am open to the idea of adoption. There are plenty of children out there that need a home and I know that David and I would provide a good home. But priorities need to be straightened for both of us and if it is God's will that we have our own children or adopt, so be it.

Please say extra prayers for David and I. We really need them.

Please cross those fingers again

I need'em crossed again. I don't want to jinx it, but this one looks better than the last one. I will let you all know when you can uncross them.