What a rollercoaster!

It has been a whirlwind of activity for me in the last 36 hours. I have moved out of a 1900 square foot house and into a bedroom at my mom's house. Crazy!! They arrived at 11:00 a.m. Thursday morning and we packed the truck to the gills. Got on the road at 3:30 p.m. and arrived at my mom's at 10:30 p.m. We unhitched my car and then rolled on over to the storage unit and was there until 1:00 a.m. cramming everything in! What a sight we must have been. LOL!! We got back here to the house and we were all exhausted. Took a shower and hardly slept. The emotions running through my mind and just being overtired didn't help. I am running on about 4 hours of sleep right now and am tired, but have no desire to go to bed yet. It's just crazy! I took a little more me time today and got my hair did. It feels great! I am making strides in being alone. It doesn't help that I am at my mom's, but this too shall pass. Think happy thoughts that I can find a job rather quickly so that I can get back out on my own. Just me and my cats. That's a good place for me.

Tomorrow is the day!!

Well, tomorrow is the day. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I am really going to miss being with David. But I know that this is probably the best for both of us. I have come to the realization that we both want different things out of life. So our parting as husband and wife kills me, but I would rather have him as a friend than not at all. We will make it work. I know we will. It will just take some healing time.

I am not sure what time I will be leaving tomorrow. My moving partners will be coming from Florida in the morning sometime. I have everything ready to go. I try to make things as painless as possible for people. I will be up early getting last minute things done. Please pray for travelling mercies for us. It is going to be a long day. I will update on Friday when I can. Thank you again for all of your support! It means more than you will ever know.

A Little Me Time Today

I took a "personal day" today and went out to Tybee Island. What a gorgeous day!! I have also been wanting to experiment with my camera a little bit, so I found the option to do black and white photos. I think it turned out pretty well. As I was sitting on the swing, I came to the realization that I don't need the BS that has been handed down to me. I have decided that God will not put on me what He doesn't think that I can't handle. I gave myself a little reflecting time and it worked today. Yeah, you know, tomorrow is Valentine's Day and David proposed to me 8 years ago, but I am going to make the best of it. And as my mom says, make it an "un"engagement party tomorrow. I think she may be right.





After I left Tybee, I went downtown and sat on the Savannah River. This is what I am going to miss the most about living here. Savannah is the 4th busiest shipping port in the US and I am going to miss the large ships gliding gracefully down the river. I think I will treat myself to beignets and coffee at Huey's Sunday morning in hopes that I may catch another ship coming or going. It doesn't matter to me. It really is a lot of fun to watch the ships.

All in all, I think today was necessary for me to come to grips with the things that I can't change. I am proud of the fact that I have been a wife and was able to support David in his endeavors. But this is about me now. I have to pick up the slack in watching out for me. No problem. I can do that. And with the family and friends that are supporting me, I know that I am going to be just fine.

The Freight Train Can't Stop!!

There is absolutely, positively, no way that this freight train is going to stop. Apparently, I am not a confident or independent person enough for him. I used to be before I let my guard down because he asked me to!! And now, it's not what he wanted. He has no idea why he doesn't want to be married, he just knows that he doesn't. Does that make sense?? Yeah, not to me either. I am so angry right now!! I had to get this off of my chest. He is still claming up and won't talk. I am actually looking forward to him going away for a few days so that I can think. I hope that he will keep from calling me too often so that I can. How can you say that to someone and not have a response for it? It's almost as if he can't wait to get away. He took me yesterday to show me his new apartment. I went along for the ride a) because I had never been to Rincon before and b) I wanted to see where my dogs are going to live. I asked about emergency situations and who was going to have a key. He hadn't thought of that!! Surprise, surprise!! Asked about Wills and Life Insurance. He hadn't thought about that either!! I don't know. Maybe he said these things to me so that I can get on with my life. I have asked lots of questions and haven't gotten a response. I actually sent them to him in an e-mail. He has yet to respond. It was like pulling teeth getting the information that I did about me being more confident and independent. Maybe this is better in the long run for both of us. It's hard to see the other side of things right now, but I think this is going to be a good thing. I will be leaving here February 19. My things and the cats. A friend of my mom's, her husband, feels so bad for me that he has offered to drive my mom and his truck and trailer up here to get me and my things. No charge!! I am ever so grateful for him doing that for me. It makes me think that someone actually cares about what happens to me. There have been times within the last 2 weeks, that it seems like David doesn't care what happens to me. I know that he cares for me, but it just seems like he doesn't care where I go or what happens to me once I get to Florida. Maybe this whole thing is a blessing in disguise and God does have a plan for me. While at church this morning, I went to the altar and left this situation at God's feet. And I actually felt better about it after I did it. I am still hurting. Don't get me wrong. But it made me feel good knowing that God is helping me in my time of need. I know that He is there. I am God's child. I will always remember that. Okay, I am going to sign off for now. Jack keeps howling at me while I am typing. It's actually kind of funny seeing as how David is trying to go to sleep. Hee, hee!! :-)

Nothing's changed

Nothing has changed between David and I. We are still moving forward with getting a divorce. I never, ever thought that I would be going through this in my life time. And I can't believe how fast things are happening. I won't prolong the inevitable. It's not worth the heartache. So do you postpone for the sake of thinking it might get better? As of right now, no. I continue to ask him if this is what he truly wants and he says yes. That's the last time I will ask that question. It only hurts more everytime I ask. I guess for me I need more closure on this than what I am getting. He's the one that wants out and I am the one that feels guilty. Am I right to feel that way? Is it right to feel that way? I am so confused. I just wish that I had been given the opportunity to fix whatever it was that was wrong. That's just in my nature to want to do that. But I can't fix what doesn't want to be fixed in this instance. Maybe if the circumstances were different, we wouldn't be getting along like we are. But it is so damn hard. Sure I'm angry with the guy, but I still love him. So, I am still working on me. Please keep me in your prayers during this difficult time.