Now the 2 have to agree

So I have come a long way in a short amount of time. It has now been just over a month that we have been separated. At first it was difficult. I wanted to be back with him and make all of this go away. But as time has gone on, I have come to the realization that I'm in a better place right now. Sure, I may not have what I want right now, but "its better to wait to get what I want, than to get what I want now and lose it." I stole that line from my dad. He is a very smart man. He helped me put this into some perspective. I needed that snap back into reality. I told my dad that I was angry that David got what he wanted right away and that I have to live at home. And that's when he hit me with that line. And then I wasn't so angry anymore.

Last weekend, I came to the realization that I haven't been happy for a long time either. I found letters that I had written and never gave them to David and one that I did. But ALL of them reiterated the same thing. His lack of communication with me. His lack of caring about how I feel about certain things. His putting his work and brothers before me and our marriage. He has been doing it almost since the start of our relationship 10 years ago. I turned a blind eye to it. I guess everybody thinks they can change the other person. I thought that it might be different with him, but alas, it wasn't.

So, right now, my head knows that this is the right thing for me, but it's my heart that needs the convincing now. I have to tell my heart that this is the right thing. I am hoping that I can get some more answers from David. I have sent him 3 emails with questions and statements and I am hoping against all hope that I can get answers to my questions. I think that will help me realize that this marriage is unsavable. I've been reading a book about divorce and it has really helped me. I know that I have further to come, but it has really opened my eyes to my relationship and the things that I let happen that shouldn't have happened.

Okay, I'm rambling so I will sign off for now. Please keep me in your prayers.