Another huge step

So I took another huge step today and washed him from my life on a personal level for a while. Unfortunately, I have financial dealings that still need to be dealt with. My wound is so wide open, that in order for it to quit bleeding, I had to do this. I had to push him away from me, otherwise, I would never heal. But it hurts so much because I had to push him away. I guess this is the part where the two need to agree. My head knows that this was the right thing to do, but my heart is still struggling to accept it. He has been a part of my life for the last 10 years and for 6.5 we were married. How do you just turn that off? Can someone please explain to me how you just turn it off and not be sorry about it?

I couldn't handle anymore of the Facebook status updates. I had to delete him as a friend because the wound just kept bleeding. His status updates were driving me crazy. I feel that a lot of the time, he was updating it for my benefit...especially last Friday. We met 10 years ago last Friday and updated at one point that he was "doing quite well on this Friday." Gee, thanks! I quit updating my status because he just doesn't need to know what I am doing. So because he updated so frequently, (8 times or more a day), I would ask what was wrong or what was going on. Yeah, I would get my head chewed off for asking, so I quit asking. Except for this past weekend. I got curious as to who somebody was and I got venom thrown in my face. I was asking, as a friend, who this person was and viewed as me being the jealous ex-wife. I don't care what he does. When I saw him today, I was trying to keep it all business but I just couldn't do it. I had to ask again and he (I am almost positive) made up a lie right there. I can't believe a freaking word he says anymore. I won't rehash the rest of the conversation because there's just no point. What's done is done and I am going to come out a better and stronger person because of it. His lack of caring about me (which is obvious because of where we are today) just proves that he really didn't care about me anymore. Otherwise, he would have fought harder for me and our marriage. And that is the overriding factor in all of this. I need to remember when I asked for counselling, he said no, and just wanted out. I just hope to one day be able to be friends with him again and be able to remember the good times that we shared.

So as of now, I am still just doing okay. I need more time and distance from him and will achieve that hopefully within the next few days after the financial matters are dealt with until the next time. Anyway, thanks for your continued support. Keep those prayers coming. They would be much appreciated. Love and hugs!