So, I'm finally single

Not sure how to take that statement honestly. Never in a million years did I think I would be divorced, but people change and there really isn't much you can do about it.

Thursday I left right from work and drove to Savannah. It was a pretty uneventful drive, thank God. I called to let him know I was there and we went to dinner. The conversation was kept pretty light. And he stayed in a fairly good mood. And because it was still early, he invited me back to his place so that I could see the dogs. They were so happy to see me. Once I was there, they wanted nothing to do with him. It was kind of funny actually. He sort of yelled at me because I didn't sit in his chair to play with them. I wanted to sit on the floor and be on their level. I wasn't there to visit with him anyway!! I then was kinda sorta kicked out around 9:30 which was fine. I don't want to be where I'm not wanted anyway. I went back to my hotel and relaxed as much as I could. I had to do some more writing to get things off of my chest otherwise I would not have slept very well Thursday night.

I woke up Friday morning at 5:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. I laid there until 6:30 and finally got up, got dressed and went downtown to sit by the waterfront. It was very quiet down there which was a blessing. Then I figured since I was there and needed to clear my head a little more, I power walked along the River front. One end to the other, all the way down to the Waving Girl and back. Then I went to Forsyth Park and sat there for a while listening/watching to the fountain. Such a beautiful fountain. Then I went back to the hotel and got cleaned up again. I didn't need to be there until 1:00 to meet the attorney. But he (David) calls me to ask why I haven't picked him up yet...it was 11:30!! It only takes 15 minutes to get downtown from the FedEx building, so I wasn't sure what that was all about. Not sure if wanted to spend more time together or not, but whatever. In the mean time, I had asked God to help me get through the day and help me to get through the hearing. I had tried with all my might to discourage David from coming, but he insisted on being there. So we get to the courthouse and the attorney finally shows up and we went upstairs. The hearing was supposed to start at 1:30 but a note on the door stated that everything was pushed back to 1:45. 1:45 came and went and the doors didn't open until 2:00. The judge comes in, we all stand, we all sit and wait for our names to be called. Ours was not the only hearing. I was second to be called up to the stand. The attorney asked me a bunch of questions and specifically asked if "my husband was here today in the back of the courtroom?" I think that was just for the record to show he was there. After he was done asking questions, judge said "granted" and we (David and I) were out of there. I think I kind of had a spring in my step walking out of there. David, not so much. I turned around and he was kind of far behind me walking back to the parking garage. He was pretty quiet all the way back to FedEx. I went in to see Beth and Sam. They are my friends and I hadn't seen them since David told them about us. Beth never said a word, but gave me a huge hug. Just let me know that she cares. It was really sweet. I had also asked David to send me back a picture that he no longer needs to have and he dragged his feet on getting it to me (like everything else) and I promptly went in his office and took it. I had no remorse for taking it either. So because I didn't have any other plans for the afternoon, I went back to his apartment, he went back to work and I hung out with my dogs all afternoon. I was so happy to have that time with them and I think they were happy about it too. We played and we all took a nap. He finally got back around 9:00 and we ordered pizza. He basically kicked me out again, this time at 10:00. Again, which was fine with me. I wasn't there to visit with him anyway. We made plans for breakfast on Saturday and he was to call me at 9:00. Yeah right!

I actually slept pretty well Friday night. I did wake up rather early, but went right back to sleep and slept until 8:30, which is something I haven't done in a long time. So I waited and waited for him to call. Finally calls at 10:00 and says he's on the way. Now, I know what you are thinking...why is this girl torturing herself? Well, I will tell you why. I was testing him. He has proclaimed all along that he wants to remain friends and all that BS. Well, if he were truly my friend, he would not have pulled the crap that he did Saturday morning. Not calling when he was supposed to. It's all because he doesn't care. I mean, I know that he's a jerk but he didn't have to show it too! Anyways, he had his iPod on and Pink's song "So What" came on. Not sure if you have heard the song or listened closely to the lyrics, but that song was created what seems like just for me. So, I began to sing it to him. He got agitated and threatened to turn it off. I said go ahead and he was like, no, I like the song. So I kept singing. I made sure to emphasize some of the lyrics in his direction. I think he took the hint because he just got nastier and nastier as the morning wore on.

We finally got downtown. Conversation was light, until breakfast. I ordered, he didn't. Said he wasn't hungry. I didn't fight him. Wasn't worth the argument. No need for me to care about him anymore. He wanted to be on his own and I let him have what he wanted. As breakfast for me was winding down, he started in on the money and insurance issue. We talked at length about it. I hope that he doesn't go back on his word. I will be really upset if he does and I will be up a creek without a paddle. As we left Huey's, there was a ship leaving from the port. I was so excited. He, of course, wasn't so thrilled, but whatever. Then we went into a few shops on River Street and at one point I got a little too far ahead of him and he yelled at me to "wait for him". What the hell!! You can't have your cake and eat it too! You aren't my husband anymore you jerk! You have no freaking right to tell me what to do. I was a little irritated at that. As our time was drawing to a close, he began to get nastier and nastier with me and with the traffic. I didn't realize that SCAD was holding graduation this past weekend, so there was that traffic to deal with which upset him all the more. I was able to get some other pictures I wanted and he begrudgingly took me to get the ones I wanted. Then he took me back to the hotel, dropped me off, gave me a kiss and hug. We stood there holding each other for a little bit and I told him "for what its worth, I'm really sorry." He didn't say anything for a few second and then said "I'm sorry too." We pulled away, I think he was crying too, I couldn't tell because of his sunglasses. He turned and walked back to his car, got in and sped away. And that was the last I saw of him.

Yes, I am hurting big time, but I know that I am better off without him. I know in my head that is how I feel, but my heart still has to catch up. The 2 still don't agree. Over time, they will. But its still raw and hurts really bad. So Peach, I will let you know when I feel fine, but for now, I'm just okay. Please know that I appreciate all the support you all have given to me. It really does mean a lot to me. And I do hope to be posting some happier postings soon. Until then, love to you all!